What a Day!

I've had quite a day today... even more so, Elias has had quite a day today... Thought I'd share with you some of the highlights (or low-lights, as the case may be.)

Elias started VBS today. He always talks about how badly he wants to go to school, so I expected him to do really well. We arrived a few minutes early and Eli looked around and said to me, "Mom, I don't know these kids. Don't leave me here!" I knew that our neighbours would be arriving right away and that Eli would most likely be fine once Justin (who is the same age as Eli) got there, so I told him I'd wait with him for a bit. Eventually, he settled in with J. and I came home with my very sick little Sam (more on that later.) When I went back to pick him up, no one asked who we were and who's kids we were leaving with, which struck me as a bit strange. Eli told me on the walk home that he didn't want to go back tomorrow and as soon as we were in the door, he lifted his shirt and showed me why. He had a quite a large rug burn on his chest and he said some girl pushed him down. Naturally I assumed that he was talking about another child, but bit by bit, the story came out... well, Elias' side of it anyway. He told me that he was having a hard time being without me and in such a big group and he needed some quiet time. He crawled into this little room where kids were watching movies (Really? Movies at VBS?) Well, his teacher caught him going in there and said that Eli had to come out with her. She then, according to Eli, grabbed him by the arms and dragged him out on his stomach, causing the rug burn. You can imagine how irate I was. I called Trevor at work and told him what Eli had told me and he said I needed to call over to the church right away to find out what the heck was going on. I was looking up the number when my phone rang... It was the teacher. First off, she asked if I had come for Eli or if he'd left on his own. Umm, what? I assured her that I picked him up and then told her that I was about to call there to find out exactly what happened to my son that morning. She told me that Eli was having a great time until it was time to move to the next activity. He was really quite upset and confused at being moved around so much and had to be 'restrained' from leaving the building several times. She had a bit of a different story to tell than Eli had... Eli DID crawl away to find some quiet, and when the teacher told him he needed to come, she touched his ankles and he fell on his stomach, causing the rug burn... Hmmm... O.K.. She asked if Eli had some transitional and social anxiety that they needed to know about. Now, I've always known that Eli doesn't do great in big crowds (and I informed them of this when I registered him) and this was his first time ever being away from me for an extended period of time, so I should have anticipated some bumps in the road. But to touch my child in order to get him to do what you want? Not okay with me. Elias was wrong to behave the way he did and I told him so. I told him that he should have obeyed the teacher & that he shouldn't have been trying to run home. I am not placing all the blame on the leaders there. I'm taking a lot of the blame myself, believe me. Anyway, this woman and I talked and agreed that if Eli is at all open to going back tomorrow, he should. At this point, in his 4-year old brain, he feels as though he's been attacked and physically restrained from seeing his mother. He needs to understand that this is not the way things happened and that school is a fun and safe place to be. I WILL NOT be carrying my son in there tomorrow kicking and screaming... if we have to take a day off, we will. But at this point, he's telling me he never wants to go to school. He needs to get back on the horse, so to speak. We (meaning the teacher & I) laid out a plan of action... She's going to start by giving Eli warnings about moving to the next activity... A two minute warning for example, like I do at home. She's going to watch him and be ready to take him for some one-on-one time if need be. And if he gets as upset as he did today, she'll call me to come get him. We plan to meet when we go the next time face to face and I'll ask her then to keep Eli & Justin in the same group so that Eli has some familiarity there.

All that being said, I'm really dealing with a good dose of Mothers guilt right now. Did I cause this anxiety in some way? Have I kept him too sheltered or is this a natural part of his personality? Is this genetic, since I've suffered with a good deal of anxiety in my life? How can I help him learn to cope? Is he going to struggle with this for the rest of his life? I read up on transitional and social anxiety on the 'net today and I didn't love what I saw. A large portion of the children who have anxiety learn to hate school and end up doing quite poorly. The articles I read stated that if social anxiety is left 'untreated' it could be very detrimental in the future. So do I assume that he had a hard time today because it was new, or do I try to nip it in the bud and find some sort of 'treatment' for him? I don't even know what kind of 'treatment' he'd need or where the heck to find it!

Anyway, other than dealing with all this, I've been pooped on, peed on, sneezed on, boogered on and slept on all in one day. Poor Sam... He's feeling absolutely awful; running nose, sneezing, watery eyes, fever, and a cough. He slept almost the whole time Eli was at VBS this morning, which is probably good because he cried for Eli the whole way home.

Can I just say... this has been one horrible day. I'm feeling totally over-whelmed and confused and tired.

On the upside, Eli and Trevor are going flying tomorrow! There is an airshow in town right now and for $15/person, you can take a flight around the city! How do you pass that up? I'm really excited for him.