Last Sunday, we headed out to Echo Dale for a few hours of beach fun... Eli and Trev started building a sand castle, but Eli found out quickly it's more fun to wreck it than to build it... Poor Trev!
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Yesterday, Elias and I took off for a while in the afternoon, just us. I LOVE spending time with Eli on my own! We decided to go down to the river to toss some rocks, a favorite past-time for most boys I'm sure! When we first arrived, there was a fire truck parked at the boat launch dock and the firemen were on the river practicing rescue maneuvers. They'd cruise by and the wake would come crashing to shore and Eli had a blast leaping over the waves. As we searched for rocks, a man rode his bike up to us... Now, I hate to admit it, but I judged this guy by his appearance first and he scared me right away. He got off his bike about 4 feet from me and just stood there looking at us. A lot of you know about my history... being raped and struggling with pretty crippling anxiety for years afterwards... and it all came rushing back. I didn't want to scare Elias, so I maintained my cool (I think) and asked if I could help him. He told me no, he just felt like watching. Creepy, right? Elias was to my right playing by the water, this guy was to my left and I had my back to a bunch of bushes. No way was I going to turn my back on this creep. After roughly 10 minutes of him standing there awkwardly staring at Eli & I, he got on his bike and started to ride away. I watched him leaving and noticed that he rode onto a path that went by the bushes I was standing next to. I watched until he was out of my view and then I heard leaves rustling behind me... I'm fairly certain he got off his bike and walked into the bushes! I was more than sufficiently afraid at this point and I called to Eli that it was time to go. Eli asked why and I told him that some strangers aren't safe and I didn't trust the man who was watching us. Eli readily agreed and we walked back to our car. Just as we were getting in, another fire truck started backing into the parking lot and as soon as the truck stopped, a fireman jumped out and called to Elias! "Hey buddy! Want to come check out my fire truck?" Oh my gosh! Elias and I were both flabbergasted and so excited! These men were so amazing to Eli. They each took turns showing Eli where they sat in the fire truck and explaining to him what the equipment was for and what their jobs were. They let him 'drive' the truck, wear a fireman's hat, and hold the nozzle and hose! What an amazing thrill! When I asked Eli later what he thought of the firemen, he was so funny... "I was scared, Momma, because they're so HUGE!"
Will you allow me to dig a little deeper into this exciting adventure for a minute? God has been speaking to me a lot lately about how I've been held prisoner by fear and anxiety after being raped. I've been trying very hard to let go of my fear, but I really felt like yesterday was meant to be a reminder for me. I was terrified of that man. I don't know for sure what the heck he was doing, but I was scared stiff. And while I'm shaking in my boots, dragging my son away from some one-on-one fun with his mother & running to hide in my fear, who shows up but 5 of the biggest & strongest civil servants I've ever met. God didn't just send one nice gentleman or a polite couple into my path... Oh, no. God sent me an army of protectors. Like He was saying to me, "Why are you still so afraid, Beckie? When are you going to learn to trust that I'm here and watching everything that happens to you?" Pretty cool, right?
Anyway, I am ashamed to admit that I didn't have my camera on me and had to take these pics on my cell phone, but you get the idea!
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After we got home from the river, we picked up Sam and Trev and headed to Central Park to play...
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Today we headed down to Kin Coulee to support our neighbour's fundraiser for her cousin. "Angels for Angela" was meant to raise support for Angela's cancer treatments that are not covered by Alberta Health Care or her insurance. It looked like they had a great turnout!
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And there you have it... A quick update on our lives from the last week!
2 comments:
I still haven't had a chance to look at all the pictures, but I wanted to write anyways. I'm so proud of you. You have such amazing strength to be able to talk about your past like that. God is going to bless you for seeking him through it! He knows you're not perfect...and those firemen were such an awesome reminder to keep seeking Him. God knows your heart Beckie...He knows your desire to let the fear go...I wouldn't see the firemen as a "reprimand" type of reminder, but rather a great big hug from the God who loves you more than anyone. He so badly wants to release you from that fear...all you have to do is let Him.
Oh dear, now it sounds like I'm lecturing...I'm not meaning it that way...I had a dear friend tell me something similar & it meant so much to me...that God doesn't want us to worry about not worrying (the issue in my case), but to rest in Him & allow Him to take care of it. I wish I could remember the verse she told me...I feel like I'm not making sense. I don't have to work at not worrying, He'll do the work if I'll just release it to Him.
I tell you this, not to lecture you in any way...I trust you know that:)...but as an encouragement, that God KNOWS you...he knows your heart...He knows your fears...He knows you're not perfect...just keep on giving it back to Him! I love you so much:)
PS. I was going to go back & re-read this to make sure it made sense...but I really wasn't planning on writing half this much, so I'm going to trust that God was guiding my fingers as I typed...
Heidi, He was guiding your fingers.... I really did see the firemen as a great big hug from God! That's new... Before, I saw God as this big Guy shaking his finger at me, always disappointed, but no more! Thank you for the encouragement!
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