I went to the doctor a few weeks back, mostly because Trevor finally wore me down. I'd had a blinding (literally... I go blind in my left eye when it's bad) headache for weeks, had been fainting & near-fainting several times/day, and that morning I had lost feeling in one of my fingertips. That last symptom is what pushed me over the edge... I'd always been a fainter, but when you add in all of the above, my lack of balance and my tremor it's cause for concern.
Honestly, I thought Parkinsons. It runs in my family and it's the only disease I could think of that might fit my symptoms. I wasn't prepared...
Multiple Sclerosis.
I was and am devastated by this possibility. For the first week, I felt peace, but since then peace has been fleeting. I'm more aware of things that I had simply gotten used to and there are symptoms that have gotten markedly worse. While I haven't fainted in more than a week (praise God,) there are times when my head feels like it will explode and times when my tremor is so prevalent that it stops me from doing things I have to do.... For example, cutting an onion for supper will take me 10 minutes. I can hear the tremor in my voice, so I won't sing anymore... I can't hang a picture on the wall, or type without making many mistakes. I'm embarrassed by all of this...
I should clarify.... I have some good days and I have some bad days. On good days, I feel almost normal, but on bad ones? Ugh.
I've had a CT, blood work, and EKG and all have come back normal. Awesome news in that I know I don't have a tumor and I know that I don't have leukemia. I'm waiting for a MRI & a spinal tap.
My doctor really hasn't suggested anything else.
There are moments when I'm overwhelmed and need to cry. There are moments when I'm mad. There are moments when I'm totally fine with whatever God is doing. But I KNOW I have to 'praise Him in the good times AND praise Him in the bad times.'
Pray for me if you're a pray-er.... That first and foremost I won't have MS or any other serious disease... That my symptoms will disappear or at least not get any worse.... That I will feel peace and that Trev will continue to feel peace about this.... That I can maintain some semblance of normalcy for the kids so they aren't worrying... And that I will choose to trust!
2 comments:
Oh my dear cousin. I cannot imagine hearing that I might have MS. I am praying that it isn't MS or anything else serious....but most of all that God would give you HIS peace that passes all understanding. That you & Trevor would have peace knowing that whatever comes of this you are in HIS hands...and HE LOVES YOU!! I know that's easy for me to say from the outside....but God is big enough to give you that peace. He's also big enough to completely remove your symptoms!!!
Beckie......don't know what to say.....except to say we are thinking of you and your family and wishing you all the best. Totally shocked......but you are a VERY strong person, and know that you can get through anything you put your mind towards. And if you ever need anything, please don't hesitate to call......take care!
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